eve of eve

its the eve of new years eve.. and i'm at work! haha..

well, now in office, quite a number of people took leave today and for some reason, there is no mood to work.. feels like.. new year eve. hahaha..

anyway, as mentioned in my previous post already, there's alot of thinking to do for the new year but i'm always grateful for whatever that has happened this year. alot of experiences and first times (for food especially), alot of happy and exciting news, also sad and deep thinking news. but whatever that happens, i'll give praise to God that has always knows what to do in my life.
my resolution for the new year? well.. havent really thought about it.. but looking back at my reflection for my year this year.. i think i'll try to achieve it again.. like trying to jog at least once a week! hahaha.. well, whats your's? ;o)


".. No eye has seen, no ear has heard, no mind has conceived what God has prepared for those who love him" 1 corinthians 2:9

maximum blurness...

taking a midnight bus to reach kl at 645am and to come to work by 9am.. bad plan.. very bad plan.. result of it : maximum blurness!

thats the state of my mind thw whole day at work yesterday, altho i only found out after lunch that i could have taken the whole week off! *sigh* oh well.. things happen. anyway, was back home for a few days and its was a good christmas.
anywayz, during the week off, i had alot of time with my mom and dad. talked alot about my career and my plans. well, there is alot of talking and discussion and that left me thinking alot. aside from that, was talking to a friend and was talking about the past. gosh, didnt realise that so much was revealed this christmas holiday.
well, alot have been talked and really, alot of thinking is needed.. especially for the coming new year. but.. will really need to pray about it..

hopefully something new happens next year.. ;o)

Oh in the end
You're gonna find that strength that lies within
And in the end
You're gonna get there no matter where you've been
'Cause in the end, well
The one truth is love will always win
And the hand of God will guide you
Just believe and let Him in

(extract from eric benet - in the end)

christmas to me..

the tree is up,
the lights are lighten;
the mood is around,
every face is brighten

presents bought and given,
christmas carols echoing the mall;
red, white and green,
is this christmas, after all?

is there more to this celebration?
is there a reason to the joy?
is it just a family gathering?
or is it just giving out toys!

but reflecting back 2000 years ago
on a babe born in a manger;
you might heard of him
cause he's no stranger

he was an ordinary man
but he came for a reason,
to bring a gift to us
for us to share this yultide season.

he came to give the gift of life
and to be a friend to all,
he's name is Jesus
God's only Son given to us, y'all.

he came on earth,
that we may have peace and joy,
so, lets celebrate this Christmas
more than just with toys.

-- merry christmas to you all

food.. glorious food..

have you ever think of all the food that you've eaten for the year. well, i dont. hahaha! until i bought a digicam, i started taking pictures of almost anything under the sun (provided my battery dont die on me first!).

first and foremost.. i've got to admit that i have put on some weight this year. shall not say how much extra have i gain but enough for some of my friends to see the difference since i left college till now. with all the food that i've been brought to try out, its no suprise. hahaha..

lets see.. i've not been to chili's so often in a year before. well, in the previous project that i was assigned to, i have been to chili's easily more than 5 times! not calculating the other times i've been there on weekends with friends. but the bottomless tostada chips and drinks managed to attract many of us.. *grin* well, there's also other 'first-time' places that i've been this year..
> first time attending a vegetarian wedding
> first time eatting buffet at mandarin oriental hotel
> first time eating suckling pig
> first time eating austrian style escargot (or snails!)
> first time eating in victoria station
> first time eating a RM10 prawn noodle (gosh!)
> first time eating bario rice (the best!)

so, yes.. i have been well taken care by my friends around me. haha..

but i guess the best experience i've had concerning food this year is the choice to fast coffee for a mission trip i was going to attend. james and i decided to go on the coffee fast for about.. 43 days, i think. man.. it is seriously tough but it was worth it. to persevere on with the coffee fasting and to continue to encourage one another was really an experience. and i believe the outcome from the fasting in the mission trip was just over-whelming.. to me, personally. but of cuz, when we got back from the trip, we are back to drinking coffee.. hehe

but i guess the best food of all is the food that can never make us hungry anymore. the bread of life. ultimately, without the bread of life, i could be spiritually starving while my physical body is feeding on all the best food the world could offer.

well, i'm still feeding on it..

just one of those happy post

isnt today a wonderful day..

the weather is just cooling, had chinese dishes (fish, chicken, veg..) for lunch and super full after that. but aside from that, i've received so many good news today from all over.

1. my parents arrived safely from australia after 5 weeks
2. someone in my family is pregnant
3. saw some pictures of my 1st neice
4. my friend just bought a new sony ericsson w800i (which i managed to psycho him to get it)
5. wai nyan's birthday's today ('happy birthday, dude!')

but none from me yet. hmm.. oh well, all those good news makes me feel happy too..! hahaa.. anywayz, praise God for His goodness!

well, i guess a nice hot cup of black coffee was good in this morning was a good start ;o)

it really is..

its really that feeling again..

the year end feeling again. christmas is near, new year is coming, christmas carols are playing everywhere.. and for some spoilt reason, there's the back to school promotion going on too.. imagine a kid, getting ready for christmas, with all the presents and how that kid is going to play around with his/her friend then suddenly.. his/her mom shouts 'come here, try out this uniform, see if fit you or not'. sheesh... hhahaa

anywayz, yes, its that time of the year again. reflecting on the whole year and being amazed of the events that took place this year. often there are so many events that i didnt realise that the event took place this year when i thought was last year. hehe.. but it is always fun to slowly look back..

so here's my plan for the next few weeks..

i'm planning to reflect on my year this year. on the events, food, people and of cuz God. will slowly go by topics.. feel free to join me in reflecting this year. ;)

and as we move forward for next year, lets keep the past as memories.

just that feeling..

of christmas again..

christmas songs are being played in some departmental stores, christmas decorations are slowly taking over the recent raya & deepavali's, and everyone's talking about their christmas plans.

well, maybe to me only.. hehehe

for some reason, i'm excited about december. i've got some plans with my friends and my family, and at the same time, work has some plan for me too.. sigh. but anywayz, cant wait till christmas. with all the christmas music in all the stores and in radios. all the christmas decorations filling every corner. christmas presents everywhere, with nice cooling (or raining) weather usually at the end of the year.. ahh~

was just talking to my friends, only thing missing is snow. hehe.. but i guess i would just settle with the cooling weather outside.. and with christmas jazz songs..

mixed with my work now. hehehee

i've got tagged

felix tagged me to answer these questions.. hmmm...

7 things that scare me
- scarry movies (exorcism, ring.. whatever)
- sea urchen (if i'm snorkelling)
- bugs that flies (have you seen a flying crocoach.!?)
- taking chemistry or biology exams
- loosing important documents when travelling
- getting into a big car accident.. altho a minor one is good enough to scare me
-
(quite alot-lah.. shy.. hahaha)

7 random facts about me
- just bought a RM120 cap
- newly sudoku addict
- regular coffee drinker
- not a tea drinker except teh tarik (cuz plain tea all pretty much taste the same)
- eyeing on a new notebook
- have not done my christmas shopping yet
- tonnes of half read books lying in my room

7 things I hope to do before I die
- go for a europe tour
- backpack
- bungee jump
- travel to at least each country in each continents
- write a something thats impactful
- own my own house and car
- be an impact to at least someone

7 things I can do
- eat
- sleep
- type
- play off key guitar (God knows what unspeakable note)
- walk
- run
- jog
(duhh..)

7 people who should fill this out
- Jelly
- Wai Nyan
- Minh Lee
- Wan Phing
- Willie
-
-
(sorry guys, but you guys are the only people i know in this blog-line.. hahahhaa)

letting it go

as children bring their broken toys
with tears for us to mend,
i brought my broken dreams to God
because He was my friend.

but instead of leaving Him
in peace to work alone,
i hung around and tried to help
with ways that were my own.

at last i snatched them back and cried,
'how can you be so slow?'
'my child,' He said, 'what can I do?
you never let them go.'

(taken from a bookmark, 'broken dreams')

many times we say we lay it all down for God to deal with it, to let Him take control of things.. but somehow, there's always a string attached to it. we tend to 'hung around and try to help'..

well,

cut the string and let it go! hahaa.. i'm learning to do that too.. ;o)

those were the days..

i am now officially 23 and yes, i am getting older. but i still miss birthday parties..

just celebrated.. or, rather, enjoyed my birthday last week in a very simple manner. aside from the upcoming deepavali & hari raya holidays the next day, most of my friends went back home or somewhere. i stayed in KL insetad of going back home cuz there wasnt anyone at home (my parents were on holiday). so, then i thought, might as well celebrate it with my friends who were around.. or at least i think they were around. so, here's what happened on my birthday..

well, on the eve actually.

my housemate asked me if she could date me for either lunch or dinner depending on when i am available. then i told her, i'm available for her the whole day cuz no one dated me yet for the day.. sounds pathetic? hahahaha nahh.. anywayz, on the struck of midnight, received birthday call and birthday smses (and i am very very grateful for all the wishes! thank u thank u!). then.. i slept. well, had to get up the next day for service.. hahahaha

once in church, some wished me and smiled alot.. hahahaha.. well, aside from some ppl announcing my birthday, sunday service went by like a typical sunday service. then it was straight to 1-Utama. a friend dropped me there and said that was his birthday gift for me.. a free ride to 1-Utama.. hahahaa.. was really grateful for that ride cuz i would have to take a cab and it was quite a jam that day. anywayz, my housemate treated me Chili's and whoa.. i really stuffed myself to the max there! and not eaten so much tostada chips and tortilas.. hahaha. but it was cool. my dad called me too and said i was bullying my hsemate cuz she was only a student treating me who is working. he said i should be the one paying. and when i wanted to pay, my hsemate scolded me! hmm.. being scolded more than normal days! oh well... talked alot with my hsemate (not like we dont at home) and just walked around 1-Utama after that.. to digest the food we ate.. hahaa.. then it was just a nice quite rest at home.

well, it may sound a little simple (or pathetic) on how i spend my birthday but seriously, it was good.. well, as compared to last year.. i spend the whole day alone last year..! hahahaha.. pretty sad but yeah, this year was much better. but... (there's always a 'but' in everything) i still miss having a birthday party like when i was a kid.. hahahaha...

but reflecting on my 2 birthday experiences.. i actually experience alot of things. things that i dont get to experience it everyday. its just between me and my Dad.. the Dad with the big D. He was with me the whole day and just wanting me to reflect on my pass years i had with Him. i guess He just had to stop all of the rest so that i can finally get back to Him, huh.. hehe.. but it was seriously really good. reflecting on the past 23 years of my *ahem* mischievousness (haha) and how He never stop loving me. somehow i think, birthdays are the best time to just reflect on the years, months and days that you spend with your Dad.

a little time off,
a day off,
just spending time with Dad
before the day is off.
birthdays are special,
birthdays are memorable,
birthdays are given
by God our Father, how remarkable.
as another goes by,
another number added to our age,
but i still think,
another way how our Dad,
has loved us to this age.

(hehehe....)

finally back..

first week back from the client's place.. finally back in office.. ahh.. :) well, i was stationed at my client's place for almost 3 months (or more). interesting experience? well aside from seeing really nice expensive cars, my day is usually filled with answering phone calls, entertaining some fairly interesting questions, programming - which i though i would not be doing anymore, attending meetings, documentations, chassing after some users to complete their work we gave them, being chased by my boss to complete the work he gave me.. yup.. pretty interesting, huh?
most of the time, when we speak that we are going to the client's place, it automatically gives an impression as though, its something grand or important.. well, i used to think that way too. until i was there a lil too long. hahaa.. some of my friends started to think i'm stationed there forever and some of our clients wanted to hire us as their permanent staff. that was when we (the rest of us who were stationed at the client's place) started to give hints to our boss to station us back to office.

now that i'm finally back in office.. ahh.. nice. my table again, my friends around here, my cup that i regularly make my coffee in the morning (back in the client's place, i had to buy my teh-tarik!).. it is nice to be back in office. but reflecting back on the 3 months or more in the client's place, i did manage to learn alot.
1. i learned how to deal with the clients when they ask a lil too much questions
2. i learned to just listen to the client's pressure that they have to go through
3. i learned that my colleague and boss aint that scarry, in fact they're really fun to be with
4. i learned alot about my colleagues over lunch (since there were only 4 of us)
5. i learned that in the small group of people, it is easier to potray God's character

well, i'm not saying that i was all perfect during the time i was in the client's place but, i realised that when there is a smaller group, it is easier to potray God's character. well, also aside from the fact that we are the only familar face that we see everyday while trying to 'enjoy' our stay there. now that i'm back in office.. there's a bigger crowd. we're mixed with our different colleagues from different projects...

well, i hope.. or rather, i pray, that during the few months at the client's place, God's character was shown to the people that i encountered with.. ;)

in a brief

a long overdued blog.. hahahaha.. well, what's new? :D well, let see what can i update or bring to your interest on the interesting events that happened..

historical visit
well, not really a historical visit to the past or anything like that. had a company trip to a famosa and stayed in the resort. a really cool place actually. its huge.. it has different types of accomodations (hotels, apartments, condo).. it has different activities (golf, paint ball, horseback riding, night safari, plane flying - or something like that, basketball).. it has alot of visitors... fuh~ and what did i do there.. meeting, simple team building, and got sun burned. well, okie.. some of us visited the cowboy town... but i really wanted to go for the paint ball and the plane flying thingy.. hehe..
anywayz, what amazed me is, this was my second company trip i have attended. and thinking about my company trip last year.. too many things have changed. its amazing how in 1 year so many things have changed in my workplace alone. and how many of my colleagues have come in and went out and new ones come in (which are younger than me.. i suddenly feel old) but somehow, i still thank God for all experiences that He has brought me through to still stay in the same company .. hehe

relaxed week
after been working late hours and being bombardard by clients etc etc, i decided to take a week off. and the best part was the leave was solely for a break from work.. which means.. shopping! hahaha.. spend the most week preparing/reading the Out of the Saltshaker for cell notes. and the most 'interesting' thing that happened was, i was looking high and low for the book and thanx (a big bunch) to wai nyan, he got me the book. when i was at home, i proudly show to my mom the book and suddenly.. she goes to her collection of books and comes to me with the same book! she had it all this while!! oh well.. its not the first time. aside from that, occasional visit to the mall back home. and i actually bought more clothes there than in kl. haha

back to reality
back to work... oh well, everything good things just have to come to an end. back to work, back to stress week. but it was suprisingly not as hectic as i kinda expected it to be but still managed to be blur at work especially on monday. hahaha..

oh well, back to work now.. ;o)

what if..

(music in mind: Sheryl Crow - All I wanna do)

was in the lift (elevator) the other day and as usual in the morning, its packed with people. so, then i was reminded by one of the 'dare' in the L.I.V.E book which was to say (in the elevator), 'i called for this meeting..!' hehe.. i guess it would be interesting to do so especially on a monday blue morning.. hehe

but anywayz, i've always wanted to do something.. 'extravagant'.. just to add to my 'life-history' of the wildest and craziest thing ever done, but of cuz.. never did happen. except for one time in melacca.. they had the traffic lights with the coutndown before it changes colour. so, when at one of the traffic light, the countdown was at 90 secs before it'll be green again. what my friends and i did was we got out from the car, and ran around changing driver, changed passengers (cuz we went in 2 cars). everyone around us was looking at us puzzled! well, of cuz they probably must have thought that we're just a bunch of brats.. hahaa.. but it was fun!

here are some of the list of stuff that i think would be crazy and fun to do with a bunch of wackos..

1. in a elevator with a quiet crowd and get those fart making sound (i saw it sold in one of the weird shops in 1U)
2. try on all the weird fitting clothes, take photos.. then just leave without buying anything from the shop.
3. try on all the icecreams.. and dont buy any. but of cuz say, 'thanx for the treat.'.. (something i really wanted to do!)

anyone else got any wacky ideas? hehe.. i think it'll be fun to really be able to do it.. just to release some stress.. hahaha...

icon expressed :D

its kinda weird but i think i'm not the only one..
i kinda express my feeling alot thru emoticons.. when chatting with my friends on the web (yahoo or msn), i use the emoticons alot. like in the picture (right) is my way of showing that i'm sleepy and bored and trying to find some sort of entertainment by punching others (or myself) which i think it was funny. but in actual fact, its weird so all bored again and thus, doze off.

its funny cuz i realise that when i'm chatting with my friends, they too uses alot of emoticons. the emotional-icons. well, my friend used to use alot of crying and angry emoticons when we were working together as a team.. hehe. aside from that, with the new msn messenger that allows user to use emoticons that is moving. so with every sentence or conversation, there's a moving emoticon included.

well, i guess does make the whole conversation look more.. interesting and fun. until sometimes i think when i'm talking to someone (verbally), i tend to express my face like the emoticons! freaky.. shows that i should spend less time online chatting. hahaha..

but in most chat box, emoticons are available for users to express themselves. and people no longer need to type, 'i am angry', but rather just show an angry face emoticon and the message is understood.

is emoticons invading into human emotions? that'll be freaky... hehe.... :D

cleared

just tot i'd update the situation here on the haze.. yups, its all cleared. and the best part is that it rained so heavily on sunday.. praise God! here's a picture of the situation outside my office.. just to see the contrast..

haze-zified

gosh.. the condition of the haze now is really getting thicker.. its like when you're waking up in the morning and looking out the window, it looks like its 4.30am.. but its actually 8am (and actually pretty late to get ready for work). most of the schools are closed cuz of the thick haze outside.. but how come i'm working now..?? :( hehe...

anywayz, here's a picture taken..


This picture is taken from my office in pj.. cant even see the apartment nearby..
note that this picture is taken at 2pm..!

I do hope the condition will be better after all this.. :)

blurred eyes..?

wasnt quite sure if my eyesight were getting bad or its the bad weather outside that's making my eyes blur. i think i'll just say its the weather.

its crazy madness seeing the weather outside getting blurer and blurer. newspapers been publishing about the haze and, seriously.. its really hazy. however, this is not the first time malaysia's been affected by the haze. i think the first time we got affected by it was when sumatra (i think) had the open burning at their forrest. gosh, and its still happening.. wonder whats happening to the ozone layer now..? (being a lil greenie now)

but, for some reason, there is still some foreigners and visitor still around kl.. well, while hanging out in kl city last weekend, there were still quite alot of them here.. enjoying the shopping spree.. (its megasales season now..)

anywayz, whatever it is.. God, please send down rain to clear the haze....

interesting fact 2: lunch fiesta

(this post is suppose to be published last friday.. but, well.. its here now.. *grin*)

today during lunch time, i had the most interesting lunch day. well, aside from the fact that we left for lunch early, everything else i encountered was interesting.

tower visitor
my colleagues and i decided to have lunch at klcc since there was a pc fair at the new convention center. well, we wanted to check it out so, a 'good-enough-reason' to go there for lunch. on our way there, there's always a bunch of visitors (which i reckon is from china) that would gather at one junction of the road to take a picture of klcc twin tower. without fail, there's usually a bunch of visitors there. hmm.. then i started looking at klcc to see what is so great about it that everyone is taking pictures of it. well, it is the tallest building in the world now and yeah, Malaysia Boleh..! hahaa.. then i realised, i dont have a picture of me infront of the towers yet! hehe..

crowds be crowds
as usual too, suria klcc is filled with people. locals, foreigners, family, workers.. they're everywhere! finding a quiet lunch place is just as tough as finding a place to sit. we decided to have lunch at the foodcourt and gosh, seriously alot of people. i guess because all the more its a friday (friday lunch time is usually longer for some companies to include the muslim friday prayers). so then, my colleagues and i split to find a place to sit. looking high and low, and at the same time looking at the food that others had ordered, there werent any empty tables. i found a 3 joined square tables i held on to one of the chair and called my colleagues thru my phone. then there was this dude that came and asked me how many people am i expecting, i told 3. suddenly.. 5 of his friends sat at the table that i was going to sit. *fruss* well, me being small sized (where i'm usually mistaken for a college student) doesnt mean i'm easy to be bullied.. but thank God, my colleague had already found another table else where. oh well, thinking of it now.. it is a funny sight.. hehe.. oh well.... will have to be more firm next time. ;)

tech sale
well, the initial plan to go to klcc for lunch was to go to the pc fair, so we went there and there's really alot of stuff there. 4 floors of techy stuff. selling pen-drives for less than RM100 for a 256MB..! i remember buying my first pen-drive for RM200.. sheesh.. oh well, then there's the display of the latest notebooks, mp3 players, digital cameras, pda.. *sigh* how i wished i had more money to buy all the latest techy stuff... hehe.. and as usually, for most pc fair in malaysia, you'll never leave the place empty handed. you'll go back with a bunch of flyers given throughout the whole exhibition walk.

lunch time was over and the crowd became lesser. everyone slowly headed back to their offices. we had too.. but it was an 'interesting' lunch time..

and as usual, feeling really sleepy at work after lunch.. *yawn*... ;o)

thousand apologies

i think if anyone had read my first few post would know the reason why i started blogging... to join the COD bloggers started by Messy Christian but due to my constant lateness and 'buzyness'... i have to opt out..

so here it goes..

"to all COD Bloggers that joined Messy Christian.. i would like to ask for your apology for not being able to coop with the speed (and the discipline to blog *blush*) of posting my thoughts on the COD. wishing you guys to have the fullest of fun when reading and being inspired by Richard Fosters' book. it is really a good book and practical too.. so, Happy Blogging on COD!!.. altho i might occasionally do that.. ;o)" hehe

so, yeah.. i'll continue to blog.. of maybe other stuff.. maybe on COD.. or maybe on other books.. but i'll still be reading the roundups compiled.. may post a comment there, though.. hehe.. ;o)

interesting fact 1: coffeexified

drink quite alot of coffee till if i dont drink one cup for one day at work, i'll definetely have a big headache the next day. creepy, eh.. but i bet i'm not the only one like that.. ehehehe

but 2 months ago (1st june), my friend and i decided to go on a coffee fast. reason behind the fasting was for a mission trip that we'll be going to miri. we both wanted to do something that will 'cost' us something and yeah.. coffee was our choice.

man, the first week of my fasting was draining... seriously draining. i had to conduct training to a group of people and during the afternoon tea break, everyone was drowsy and so was i. but the tempting part was, the tea lady prepared nescafe coffee for all of us.. gosh.. imagine the smell that filled the whole room, the aroma that makes your mouth all watery, the wanting to have that cup to make your day more complete.. but alas, i had to drink plain water.. everyone in the class was asking me to take a cup and gosh, how i wished i could but i had to reject it. *sigh..* then, after the first day, i had headaches. withdrawal symptom that is. and this had to go on till July 14 when the mission trip starts.

the challenge continued when i was asked to stay back late, or work night shifts.. and no coffee. imagine staying awake while the rest of my colleagues were drinking coffee from Coffee Beans and Starbucks or even from the nearest mamak stall. and the most i could compromise was drinking tea which did not have the same 'kick' as coffee would. oh well... endurance..

just when we arrived in miri, the first place my friend and i headed was towards san francisco coffee and man.... coffee tasted good. hahahaha!! i had my ice-blended mocha.. yumm~ never did i realised that i would miss the taste of coffee.. but throughout the whole duration of my coffee fasting, i've learned a few things.
1. i have to go thru the discipline of fasting where i learn to really depend on God to give me sanity.
2. endurance, patience, perseverance... many times we wanted to quit but we keep each other accountable.
3. humble cuz i didnt tell anyone that i was fasting, even when they wanted to treat me Starbucks Coffee.. *sigh*
but above all, after all that was done, and finally the fast was broken.. it was a good experience.

now, i just need to get myself back to coffeexified rather than tea-xified. ;o)

session timed-out

haha.. yes, i've taken a long break from blogging. well, was thinking the other day whether i wanted to continue blogging or not (due to the busyness at work and my laziness to turn on the computer after working hours). but after some conversation with some regular bloggers, i might give blogging a second chance.. haha. probably this time, i'll be blogging on a shorter length.. hmm..

anywayz, throughout my temp-bloging-break.. i've been thru alot of interesting experience.. allow me to share.. in awhile.. need to get all my thots in a more proper manner.. but anywayz.. check out for some interesting posts coming up.. :D

natural trouble finder?

sometimes i think i get myself into troubles more than i get myself some sanity!

this time, its real blurness..

well, here's the scenario.. i have work to do and my other team members have a huge problem for the project. well, the problem really (and really) does not concern me cuz i'm really not related to the problem. but as a 'team member' (so to speak) wanted to stay back with my team members with the mentality of 'being part of the team'. so, i thought that my team members would leave office at the latest at 8pm cuz i need a lift to church for an event. but as the time went by.. it went to 9pm, 10pm.. and now 12am. i missed out the event in church.

on the other side, i've been encouraging my friends to go for the event in church and i had some responsibility to do for that event. i was all eager to go there and really wanted to go there after work since i've had a long week at work lately. but.. i missed it. and obviously my friends were dissapointed, or at least a small hinch of anger, of my absence in church. some of my colleagues knows that i was going to church and yep.. still in office with them here.

now the question is.. did i do what i did right?

there a thousand and one things that i could have done. but what i dont quite understand about myself is why did i stay here in office and i should be in church? or why am i staying here when the problem really doesnt concern me when i should be in doing what i was assigned to do in church? my colleague was just telling me.. 'if i were you, i would have just left early'. yeah, i could have done that, but my thoughts was, 'hey! we're part of a team, would you leave the team here all stressed out when you are out having fun??' of cuz i didnt say that.. i kept silent. then they kept asking me.. 'what are you doing here? you should be in church'.. well, that got me thinking.. 'why am i staying here again?'

my another friend was pretty shocked to see me online. i was telling him about my situation and well, we came to a conclusion. i'm very blurred and torn between 2 responsibility. where i am unable to make my decision to why i react the way i reacted. well, i have 2 obvious responsibility at this point of time: 1) a worker and a team player. 2) a church member. which one should i give more priority? as a worker, i bet God would want us to perform our best at work but as a church member, God would want us to learn from Him. well, of cuz point 2 sounds more logical and rasional for a christian but what happens when you are really required to work then? are you disobeying God? its like when i was once asked to work on one saturday and sunday which forced me to missed church that weekend. i was so furious cuz i had to miss church, but would it be rasional for me to be all determine and insist to my boss that i must not work on sundays? cuz when i did work that one sunday, and missed church, i still managed to feel God's presence at work (cuz i prayed that morning in office for a sound mind) and i realised that my boss too had to give up more sacrifices that no one knew about.
but anywayz, the question is still.. did i do what i did right? by putting my work first instead of church activities? another blur dilemma..

COD - Prayer

Prayer is to change.
Prayer is to make something change.
Prayer is to believe that something will change.

hmm..then what is it that makes a Christian prayer different from other religion's prayer?

well, there are so many religions and tribes and cults that prays (i think) but what is it that makes their prayer different from a Christian prayer? this caught my attention when i was checking through some other websites that had the discussion on COD's topic on prayer. they mentioned that there are so many other religion that prays out of fear, respect, and ritual or to get something. i think that makes it different enough that Christian prays to communicate with the Father.

'A man prayed, and at first he thought prayer was talking. But he became more and more quiet until in the end he realized that prayer is listening' ~ SØren Kiérkegaard (extract from COD)

after reading the chapter, i was reflected back on my previous prayer life. in one word.. dull. it was either alot of word and no meaning or simply, no prayer at all. we, well i, tend to use alot of flowerly words to express word but sometimes dont quite mean it. well, not saying that using bombastic words are wrong but if its meaningless words, is a meaningless prayer. i remember once a girl had to say her prayer for her first time in a large group. before her there were a few other people that were prayer in very boombastic, long, and convincing prayers but when her turn came to pray, her prayer was simply 'Lord, i donno how to pray but i pray you help us not to do stupid stupid things. amen.' cute, simple and (if you were there at the moment) you could feel the sincerity when she said that prayer. yeah, its a lil cute and funny but it was very child like prayer that has alot of faith in what she prayed for. which i think is what the Father ultimately seeks.

having faith when praying
that girl had full faith when praying that simple prayer. well, i know i dont sometimes. we sometimes pray, 'Lord, if it's possible..' or 'Lord, could you...' if from readin in John 17, Jesus prayed and in that whole chapter, there was never a word 'if' in it. he had full faith and trust to God and that was the last prayer before he was arrested. like how Richard Foster said it.. 'they obviously believed that they knew what the will of God before they prayed the prayer of faith.'

building the relationship
reminded and realised alot. reminded that building a relationship is when we communicate with someone, whether it is with our friends, family or God. we need to communicate. and prayer is a communication tool used to communicate with God. realised that i have not been communicating much with God itimately. well, aside from my daily hectic schedule at work and sleepless night thinking about everything else under the sun, i always seem to have the 'not-enough-time' disease. when reading the first few pages, Richard Foster listed some giants that actually spend hours(!) in prayer. that's a real challenge to me but it doesnt seem to be when i am talking to my friend. i like how Richard Foster puts it as a comfort.. 'Occasional joggers are not instant Olympic marathoner.' but that doesnt mean that i have the right to be occasional joggers all the time, right? *wink*

conclusion
the whole chapter got me to really realised how important it is to pray and to believe in our prayer cuz prayer is to change. whether it is to change ourselves, change our environment or change or mindset.. to be more like Christ. i'm now trying to make it my discipline which is to pray before i start my work. seen the result when i do and when i dont, and yeah, prayer changes.

what would it had been..

a stroll along the streets,
with different people all around me;
with various styles and actions,
i'm thinking, 'what would it be if that was me?'

seeing one corner,
a teen with stylious clothes looking quite fine;
talking aloud with a cigarrette in one hand,
i'm thinking, 'what would it be if that was me?'

seeing one corner,
a tired young adult after working time;
with a pile of work on her lap slowly dozing off,
i'm thinking, 'what would it be if that was me?'

seeing one corner,
an oldie sitting alone with no one to meet;
with no one to talk too,
i'm thinking, 'what would it be if that was me?'

you can tell that i've been thinking quite alot, eh. well, i was just thinking to myself, 'what would it had been if i had taken another course in my life'. i mean, there are many times that in life that i could have done something else. even like going to a different college or working in a different place, i can guarantee, my life would have been a whole different story.

eventhough, i am where i am now (with alot God's grace and guidance!), i always like to think, what if i were the 'other' me. i bet my parents would have gotten more grey hair! hehe.. well, there's always a part of me that wants to be the 'other' me. a part of me where i didnt have to worry so much about anything and just indulge myself to what i want and just be part of the world. i would have spoke what is out from mouth and couldnt care about anyone. i would have gone to places that everyone have gone, to drink whatever everyone had drank, to be like what everyone is..

then.. when i reflect back again on what God's grace has done to me and what He has blessed me with, i am left speechless. well, i'm not saying that my life is a bed of rosses, heck i'm getting myself into alot of challenges and even more as a christian and all the more, the tendency for me to be the 'other' me. BUT i guess there's always something for me to be grateful for at the end of the day (although there are times i do slip into the 'other' me *opz*).

well, i guess, i'll just never know what would it had been.

dang! missed it..

missed the first week of COD.. dang!

i think the whole idea of me blogging and to be actively involve in posting is really a discipline on its own. haha.. yes, my APPOLOGIES to everyone who are involved in the COD cycle (with Messy Christian), so sorry i missed out the first chapter. reason? i'm caught up with work. a lame excuse but yeah, really caught up. its like 12am now and for some reason, i'm still in the client's place trying to do some fixing and checking on some function (yep, i'm working in a software house) and for some reason, there is some technical error happening now. (and i'm taking a break now *grin*)

i really do want to post on COD, but due to some really really tight schedule now with work (where i am required to work on weekends overnight) for up to 14th june, my time are spend mostly at work. by the time i get home to read COD and to do some review and thoughts, my eyes and brain dozes off at page 3. however (!!), i shalt not giveth up! hehe, yes, i will still post on chap 1 of COD as well as chap 2. a lil far behind but yes, i will still be part of it. (altho i might just start from chap 2 *wink*)

bloggers unite in 'celebration of discipline'

* initial attempt was to have the 'Celebration of Discipline' book picture.. still figuring how to work it out.. *
(24-june-05: finally got it!!! hehe)

anywayz, i've decided to join with the rest of the other bloggers as started by Messy Christian to blog on Celebration of Discipline.. now, this is pretty cool aside from the fact that i've kinda have read through some of the chapters in preparation for cell.

reading Celebration of Discipline was really helped in trying to understand on some of the discipline that we do as christians. well, sometimes when we are asked to pray, for example, there are some questions to why do we need to pray? why is it important to pray? what is the difference of other religion praying and a christian prayer? richard foster puts it in a manner that reflects on the importance or significance of prayer and how to practice the discipline. the book also discuss on other disciplines so, yeah, its a good book to read as a new christian or as a ol' timer christians. well, kinda think of it, whether we are new or old christians, we constantly need to have a reminder or a nudge on our christian walk.

anywayz, if there's anyone else out there that is interested in joining the bloggers in the Celebration of Discipline, its still not too late! :D we're starting this month onwards and yeah, join us.

having faith on faith itself

undescribable. unexplainable. unseen. faith is believing or trusting on something or someone. well, thats what i think most people would think or as explained in dictionaries. but in general, faith usually is related to christianity. why? is it because faith is usually practiced and used in a christian walk? does other religion practices it as well? does other religion or other people believe in faith? and how would you describe faith to a non christian?

for other religion (shall not be specific in the religions here), their faith would probably be a different definition. mostly would belive in the what they see and what seems logical and explainable to them. or rather, they would believe in themselves cause thats the only thing that they definetely have faith in. crystals are some of the examples that some people believe or have faith in. believing that crystals would allow them to have good luck, getting the right person, excelling in studies.. and not doing anything about it. somehow, i think, not everyone would think about faith.

as a christian, we would explain faith as to what the bible believes it to be. knowing that we have the knowledge of the Word and of the knowledge of Christ, we know that faith is believing of thing that are unseen and eternal (2 cor 4:18). but frankly speaking, sometimes as a christian, our faith weary. how is it that we can faith on faith itself?

when the rubber hits the road, how can we prove to others what does faith means to us personally? are we able to still stand strong and act as if everything was beautiful? in our daily lives, we are already worrying about what will happen. well, probably not everyone but i know i do. everyday when i go to work, i think about what will my clients react today at work, what will my bosses be thinking about the company and my future in the company, what will happen when my colleagues complain so much that it reaches the managements, what has happened to my friends that i think are back-slidding, am i accountable to what happens to them? (yes, i think awfully alot of things) all these questions keep poundering to me. some are personals, some are general but all in all, do i have faith that God will take control of everything that i am dealing with? trusting in God is having in God that He knows what to do with all the mess that i go through but yet, i'm constantly thinking about the 'trash' that is filling my mind. its not easy letting go.

well, i guess need to 'be still and know that He is God'.

introduction

this is a blog about a girl that is constantly blur about her surroundings and trying to find some sense in everything.

well, life as it is can be simple and it can also be as complex as we decide it to be. most of the time as we perceive things, we make the simple things.. complex. take for example, for a typical person, when we loose a job or fail in a major exam. we usually see it as 'its the end of the world..', 'i'm doomed..'. then we'll start to worry about other stuff like, what will others think? what am i going to do? what is my parents going to say to me? what will.... that sorta things.

well, i'm just like that.

i guess its no doubt that we do worry about everything and anything under the sun since ages ago. King Solomon would probably agree with it, just read in the whole Ecclesiastes 1. i was browsing my colleague's book the other day (Dilbert and the Way of a Weasel, by Scott Adams), there was a statement that said something like, 'deep in us, there is a whining bank in us. And we have to use up all the whining in us before we die'. hmm, how interesting. but above all that we complaint about at the end of everyday, like what King Solomon said, it actually just.. meaningless.

well, i'm not all perfect and all wise up yet if not i wouldn't name this blog blurred. i'm still learning in all the events that takes place. i often wonder how is it that others can see things simple in the complexity of life. i hope that others can help me out, too!

blurred about blogging

after much thinking and consideration, i have decided to blog. well, either this stays long or not, that will be up to a few issues:

1. my discipline to actually type something here
2. response from others

but whatever it is, i think i have actually started doing something that i never thought i'd do it, although this was my last year's resolution to do it.

anywayz, after much encouragement from other regular bloggers (thank you very much for the encouragement!) i have decided to go on with this. to post on what i am actually (and seriously) blur about in life's simple complexities. *wink*